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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26232463">Frodo and Sam's ultimate nightmare!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist'>LeastExpected_Archivist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergence - The Lord of the Rings, Character Death, M/M, Romance, no happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2002-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2002-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:27:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26232463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>By gayerboy.</p><p></p><p>Frodo and Sam gets caught in the middle of the act. With horrendous consequences!!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Least Expected</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Frodo and Sam's ultimate nightmare!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at <a href="http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected">Least Expected</a>, which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile">Least Expected collection profile</a>.</p><p></p><p>Disclaimer: Definately not for the faint hearted! This is definately not a happy ending (Now, that's quiet an understatement.)<br/>
Story Notes: Can any of you doubt that the LOTR world is based on Dark Age Europe? I just got the idea "What if Frodo and Sam were caught in the middle of the act?" and carried the story on to its most likely conclusion following the context of the times.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
(Frodo is having a nightmare, turning this way and that in bed...)
</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : MY Ring! The ONE Ring! It's lost forever! Oh, my precious... How can it be gone! What have I done!</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Mr. Frodo? Is something wrong?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : My precious! My precious!</p>
<hr/><p>(Sam starts shaking Frodo. Frodo opens his blue eyes. And then suddenly, he starts strangling Sam.)</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Mr. Frodo! (chokes) Please stop! What's got into you?!?!</p>
<hr/><p>(Suddenly, Frodo lets Sam go and stares at his own hands.)</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Oh, it's you Sam. I'm so sorry!!! I thought you were an Orc! I've been having another nightmare! It was so real! As real as it is now... I really have a problem. I'm afraid I'll never recover from this...</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Get up Mr. Frodo! Rise and shine! It's almost noon! I'll get your breakfast ready!</p>
<hr/><p>(Frodo gets up and sits on the bed.)</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : I better get out of these wet shorts first...</p>
<hr/><p>(Frodo starts getting out of his shorts unashamedly as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. Sam can't close his mouth.)</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : What's wrong Sam?</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : I... I better go get the breakfast ready.</p>
<hr/><p>(Sam turns around and starts for the door.)</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Sam?</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Ur... Yes, Mr. Frodo?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Is something wrong?</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Nothing, Sir.</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Come sit by me...</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>(20 minutes later...)</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>Sam : Was it as good for you as it was for me?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : I just don't know Sam... How'd I know? I've never had sex with anyone before... I just don't know Sam... I think it was sort of wierd... I'm sorry Sam. This just isn't right for me... It's just not my plate of pie I guess... Maybe we should stop seeing each other... At least not when I'm alone anyway...</p>
<hr/><p>(Suddenly Rose enters the room)</p>
<hr/><p>Rose : I just came back for my purse... What the...</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo and Sam : YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Rose : EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!</p>
<hr/><p>(Frodo hurriedly leaves the room)</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : I can explain this!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Rose : I suspected this all along!!! You kept saying I was paranoid!!! Well!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Nothing happened!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Rose : And I thought all along that it was something wrong with me!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Please, Rose... I... I love you!!! Nothing happened! Really! You got it all wrong!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Rose : Don't come near me!!! Get your dirty hands off of me you monster!!!</p>
<hr/><p>(Rose runs out of Bag-End weeping...)</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Oh, no... This doesn't look good...</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>&lt;At the Hobbit "Kangaroo" court...&gt;</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>Head Took : We've reviewed all the evidence... And the emotional testimony from Rosie... Before I give my verdict, I'd like to hear some final remarks... What do you have to say for yourself my dear Sam?</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : &lt;weeping&gt; Mr. Frodo didn't want any part of it. It was all my fault. As I said before, I forcibly raped Mr. Frodo. I'm the only one that is at fault here. If anyone is to be punished, it is me. Please let Mr. Frodo go... Pleeeeease...</p>
<hr/><p>(Sam breaks down sobbing...)</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : How about you Mr. Frodo?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : &lt;sigh&gt; What can I say? As I said before, I was in bed having a nightmare when Sam came to me. He saw me naked sitting on my bed. I guess he couldn't control himself I guess... It was my fault. I gave him the wrong idea when I asked him to come sit by me. It's the horrible affect of the Ring you see? The post traumatic stress syndrome... I have so much pain inside me. I long so much for the one Ring that I know is lost forever... I needed somebody near me. Well, anyway, when Sam started hugging and kissing me, I certainly didn't resist or anything. Whatever he did, it certainly wasn't rape. All I had to do was tell him to stop and he would have stopped right away. Thinking now, I guess I should have told him to stop. Why didn't I? Well, I just don't know what was going through my mind then. I just can't explain myself. Anyway, we're both past the age of consent. And I certainly don't accuse Sam of doing anything wrong. Before you say anything, I want you to take into account the fact that if it hadn't been for Sam, you'd all be Orc slaves by now. Not that they would have needed slaves like us Hobbits. I bet most of you would have ended up in their dinner menu... So I urge you to please let Sam go. He didn't do anything wrong!</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Hrrrmmmmph!!! Is that your opinion Mr. Frodo? That we should all become Orc slaves OR let Sam go?!? Are YOU threatening ME!?!? YOU are the one who is on trial here!!! Well!!! Enough said. I now give out my verdict! The accused, Mr. Frodo and Mr. Sam have been found guilty of the unspeakable crime of faggotery. They will be burnt to death in the middle of Hobbit square TOMORROW NIGHT as per according to our Hobbit customs...</p>
<hr/><p>The Hobbit mob : Yeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br/>
<strong>BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!</strong></p>
<hr/><p>Sam : NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : How typical. I knew it was going to turn out like this, the moment they said something about a trial...</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : But Mr. Frodo. I... I just can't believe this! This can't be happening!!! I feel so horrible... How can they do this!!! We saved the SHIRE! If not the whole world! Anyway, at least they should let you go! You didn't do anything wrong! It's all my fault! I'm SO SO SO sorry for what I did Master... How could I have brought this down upon you? What have I done!?!? I wish I were never born...</p>
<hr/><p>(Sam breaks down into a crying mess on the floor.)</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Don't feel too bad Sam... Don't give them that satisfaction. Stand up Sam... We all have to die some day... For what it's worth, I forgive you, my dear Sam... If there is anything to be forgiven.</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>&lt;A while later, inside Hobbit Jail.&gt;</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>Sam : I can't believe they're having a party outside.</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : You must forgive them. It's not very often that they get any kind of entertainment, Sam...</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Why can't Gandalf come to save us? Doesn't he know?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : I'm afraid not Sam... When the One Ring was destroyed, all the other Great Rings of Power all lost power. That is why Gandalf lost all his powers as well.</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Do you mean Gandalf carried one too? I didn't see him wearing any Ring?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Gandalf seldom wore it. But it was there. It was one of the Elven Rings. One of the Three...</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Are they really going to burn us master? I just can't believe it!</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Me too! It really is unfair! But that is the way of the times that we live in I guess... As Gandalf said, not all those who die deserved death.</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : Yes. He also said not all those who live deserve life! Curse these people! I wish we had never destroyed the One Ring. Now, I wish Sauron had gotten the Ring instead!</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : Don't even say such things Sam! For all I know, when the fire takes us, it will be slow and most painful. But we must be brave Sam.</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : How about Aragorn? Why can't he save us? Can't he see what's happening through the seeing stone?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : He seldom uses it. He has little need for it now that everything is so peaceful. I'm afraid when he does get here to help us, it'll be all too late Sam... Now that you mention it, I truly am afraid of what might happen when Aragorn finds out about all this.</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : How about Merry and Pippin?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : &lt;Sigh!&gt; If only they were here. But they've gone to Bree. I'm afraid they won't be back until it's all over, Sam...</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>&lt;the next day, at night, in Hobbit Square&gt;</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!<br/>
<strong>BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!</strong></p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Any last words Frodo?</p>
<hr/><p>Frodo : You're making a horrendous mistake, Head Took. I urge you again. Please reconsider before you do something that cannot be undone...</p>
<hr/><p>The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!<br/>
<strong>BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!</strong></p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : How about you Sam?</p>
<hr/><p>Sam : I beg you again dear sir Head Took. Mr. Frodo didn't do anything wrong! Just kill me. And please let Mr. Frodo go! He's the victim! I raped him!!!! You don't kill the vicitim!!! Why won't any of you believe me?</p>
<hr/><p>The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!<br/>
<strong>BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!</strong></p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Well, enough said! Light the fire!!!</p>
<hr/><p>The Hobbit mob : Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<hr/><p>(A few days later, Aragorn arrives in Hobbiton with about a thousand men on horseback.)</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : How may I be of service to you oh my King!</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : I wish to speak to Frodo. Where is he?</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Ah! Mr. Frodo... Well, Hmmmm.... He's not here at the moment. What is it you want to talk to him about?</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : Men! Grab hold of him! He's hiding something!</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : What is this? I didn't do nothing!</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn's men : He's wearing the mythril coat!</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : I ask you again... Where... Is... Frodo...</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Oh please! Mercy! Oh my King! We didn't know what we were doing! Don't kill us all!</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : What did you do with him?</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Mr. Frodo was a faggot! We caught him in the middle of the act with Sam. So... We did with them as according to our customs! Which is not much different from yours, is it not?</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : No... Not Frodo... (Feels dizzy and almost falls off from his Horse.) Where is Merry and Pippin? I want to hear their version of this! Find them!</p>
<hr/><p>(A moment later, they bring Merry and Pippin out of Hobbit Jail.)</p>
<hr/><p>Merry : (crying hysterically) They killed them! They murdered them!!!</p>
<hr/><p>Pippin : (stunned and traumatized) They killed Frodo and Sam... They burnt them alive... When we came back, it was all over... I've cried so much... I don't have any more tears left to cry out...</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : Why were Merry and Pippin in jail? What was going to be done to them?</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : They made such a disturbance when they came back from Bree... Why, Merry even invaded my home and tried to attack me! We were going to put them in court... I suspect them to be faggots themselves you see...</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : I see... How much I wished what I was seeing through the stone of Palantiri was not true. Where is Frodo and Sam now? Where are their remains?</p>
<hr/><p>Head Took : Ur... That would be... The Hobbiton garbage dump. Where we throw away all our garbage!</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : Men! Recover Frodo and Sam's remains. And lets leave this awful place ASAP. We're taking Merry and Pippin with us! And don't forget to take that Mythril coat off of Head Took... We'll bury it with Frodo and Sam when we get back to Minas Tirith...</p>
<hr/><p>(The next year, a group of Orcs attacked the Shire. The Head Took sent a messenger to Aragorn for help.)</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : A messenger has come from the Shire... They're being attacked by Orcs... What should we do Merry?</p>
<hr/><p>Merry : I don't know sir... I really don't know. Not after what they did to poor Frodo and Sam...</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : What about you Pippin?</p>
<hr/><p>Pippin : They're so backward... Maybe an invasion of Orcs might bring them to their senses... It might be good for them...</p>
<hr/><p>Aragorn : My thoughts exactly!</p>
<hr/><p>(So Alas, no help came. The Orcs sacked the Shire. And ate all the Hobbits. The End!)
</p>
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